113 INSANELY FUNNY TRAVEL QUOTES

Isn’t laughter the best medicine? Well, besides traveling of course.  Here I have complied a list of 113 funny travel quotes that will knock your socks off your feet. I am pretty sure if you’re a traveler you can relate to one of these hilarious travel quotes, if not all. Don’t believe me? Check them out for yourself.

Read on for the most insanely funny travel quotes. Let’s get this party started!

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113 Funny Travel Quotes That Will Have You Laughing Until Your Next Trip

1| “Nothing says ‘vacation’ like spending $72 on food and booze at the airport before even reaching your destination.” – Ashley Fern

2|  “ I haven’t been everywhere, but it’s on my list.” – Susan Sontag

3| “Sometimes the road less traveled is less traveled for a reason.” – Jerry Seinfeld

4| “ I have found out that there ain’t no surer way to find out whether you like people or hate them than to travel with them.” –Mark Twain

5| “Any time you fly somewhere, don’t pay your credit card bill. If the plane crash lands, those people will never stop looking for you.” -Kelkulus

6| “I wish that road trips could pay my bills.” –Unknown

7| “Overpack. It’s why suitcases have wheels now.” –Unknown

8| “Boy, those French. They have a different word for everything!” –Steve Martin

9| “Work, save, travel, repeat.” -Unknown

10| “I need a vacation so long that I forget my passwords!” -Unknown

11| “The worst thing about being a tourist is having other tourists recognize you as a tourist.” –Russel Baker

12| “No matter where you go, there you are.” – Buckaroo Banzai

13|  “Jet lag is for amateurs.” –Unknown

14| “The airport is a lawless place. 7 am? Drink a beer. Tired? Sleep on the floor. Hungry? Chips now cost 17$.” – Alyssa Limperis

15| “I wish travel therapy was covered by my health insurance.” – Unknown

Enjoying these funny quotes so far? Keep reading because there are more!

16| “The temptation to go to the airport, buy a one way ticket, leave the country and live on my own has never been so real.” – American Nomad

17| “There are only two reasons to sit in the back row of an airplane. Either you have diarrhea, or you’re anxious to meet people who do.” – Rich Jeni

18| “The major advantage of domestic travel is that, with a few exceptions such as Miami, most domestic locations are conveniently situated right here in the United States.” –Dave Barry

19| “People travel to faraway places to watch, in fascination, the kind of people they ignore at home.” – Dagobert D. Runes

20| “Girls don’t wait for the prince anymore, they pack and travel the world.” – Unknown

21| “Stuck somewhere between “I need to save” and “you only live once.” – Unknown

22| “Please remain seated until we’ve reached the gate, then feel free to stand hunched over weirdly sideways for 15 minutes while we do whatever.” – ContritePerson

23| “How is it that the first piece of luggage on the airport carousel never belongs to everyone?” – George Roberts

24| “All you need is love a passport.” – Unknown

25| “My favorite memory from childhood is my parents paying for my holidays.” – Unknown

26| “I don’t want a house. I just want to travel and pet a lot of dogs.” 

27| “Because in the end, you won’t remember the time you spent working in an office or mowing your lawn. Climb that damn mountain.”– Jack Kerouac

28| “Kilometers are shorter than miles. Save gas, take your next trip in kilometers.”-George Carlin

29| “I travel a lot, I hate having my life disrupted by routine.”-Caskie Stinnett

30| “I crossed a time zone and I feel younger already. If I keep traveling west, I can become immortal.” – Jarod Kintz

31| “The devil himself had probably redesigned hell in the light of information he had gained from observing airport layouts.” – Anthony Price

32| “There are only two emotions in a plane: boredom and terror.” – Orson Welles

33| “It’s bad manners to keep a vacation waiting.” – Anonymous

34| “The best way to know a city is to eat it.” – Scott Westerfeld

35| “My fear of flying starts as soon as I buckle myself in and then the guy up front mumbles a few unintelligible words then before I know it I’m thrust into the back of my seat by acceleration that seems way too fast and the rest of the trip is an endless nightmare of turbulence, of near misses. And then the cabbie drops me off at the airport.” – Dennis Miller

36| “Screw the caviar, I want to travel the world!” –Unknown

37| “ Have you ever stopped to think, maybe travel is addicted to me?”- Unknown. Anyone else can relate to this hilarious travel quote? I know I can!

38| “Vacation calories don’t count, right?”- Unknown

39| “People drink on cruises so that they think the swaying is normal.” –Melanie White

40| “All you need is love a passport.”- Unknown

41| “I love my job only when I’m on vacation.”- Unknown

42| “If you reject the food, ignore the customs, fear the religion, and avoid the people, you might better stay home.” – James Michener

43| “ I need a friend I can call in the middle of the night, tell him we have to leave, and the only sentence coming back is “when do we leave?“- Unknown

44|”I need a vacation that long, I forget my passwords!”- Unknown

45| “My favorite thing to pack on trips are all the clothes I never wear at home and then find fun, flirty and exciting ways to not wear them while I’m away.” – Adam Rippon

46| “A change of latitude would help my attitude.”- Unknown

WANT MORE QUOTES? CHECK OUT MY POST ON 91 FRIEND TRAVEL QUOTES TO SHARE WITH YOUR PALS.

47|“My parents complain I travel too much. I mean, I could be a drug addict, do they realize how lucky they are?” –Unknown

48| A hotel room all to myself is my idea of a good time. – Chelsea Handler

49|“If you come to a fork in the road, take it.” – Yogi Berra

50| “Going on a trip. Need about 5 outfits. I’ve packed 35 just to be safe.” – Unknown

51| “Me: I want to travel more. Bank account: like, to the park?”- Unknown

52| “I need a vacation of 6 months. Twice a year!” – Unknown

53| I have panicked unnecessarily in all four corners of the globe. – Jon Ronson

54| “Imagine being on a plane and NOT eating every item presented to you as if you will never again have ready access to food in your life.” – Jia Tolentino

55| “You want to know what it’s like to be on a plane for 22 hours? Sit in a chair, squeeze your head as hard as you can, don’t stop, then take a paper bag and put it over your mouth and nose and breathe your own air over and over and over.” –Lewis Black

56| “Backpacking is money spent on education.” –Unknown

57| “A tourist is a fellow who drives thousands of miles so he can be photographed standing in front of his car.”-Emile Ganest

58| “You define a good flight by negatives: you didn’t get hijacked, you didn’t crash, you didn’t throw up, you weren’t late, you weren’t nauseated by the food. So you are grateful.” – Paul Theroux

59| “If anyone is Christmas shopping for me, I’m a size window seat in plane tickets.” – Anonymous

60| “I would totally give up travel, but I’m not a quitter.” – Anonymous

61| “Road trips require a couple of things: a well-balanced diet of caffeine, salt and sugar and an excellent selection of tunes – oh, and directions.” – Jenn McKinlay

62| “I love those days when my only decision is window or aisle.”-Unknown

63|”Education is important. But travel is importanter!”-Unknown

64| ““My favorite place to vacation is anyplace by the ocean.” – Nina Arianda

65| “I need a vacation, not a stupid weekend.”- Unknown

66| “Laughter is an instant vacation.” – Milton Berle

67| “Just a reminder that I’m going on vacation and you’re not.”-Unknown

68| “Normal life: Wears the same top every day for a week. Packing for 3-day vacation: I’ll probably change a few times a day so I’ll take 21 tops.”- Unknown

69|  “Isn’t it amazing how much stuff we get done the day before vacation?” – Zig Ziglar

70| “My goal is to hit the gym every day I’m on vacation. Usually I just end up sleeping and drinking beer.” – Gary Allan

71| “You can’t buy happiness, but you can buy a plane ticket and that’s kind of the same thing.”-Unknown

72| “Good things come to those who book flights.”-Unknown

73| “Traveling’s not something you’re good at. It’s something you do. Like breathing.” – Gayle Foreman

74| “There’s nothing American tourists like more than the things they can get at home.”-Stephen Colbert

75| “Life goal: Create a life that people assume you have anyway based on your Instagram account!”-Unknown

76| “When I go To Travel, I changed my password to incorrect. So whenever I forget my password, the login tells me, the password is incorrect.”-Unknown

77| “I’m a travel addict on the road to recovery. Just kidding, I’m on the road to the airport.” – Anonymous

78| “Work tip: stand up. Stretch. Take a walk. Go to the airport. Get on a plane. Never return.”- Unknown

79| “A change in latitude would help my attitude.”- Unknown

80| “Adventure without risk is Disneyland.” – Doug Coupland

81| ” I’ve got 99 problems. But I am on vacation and I am ignoring them all! “-Unknown

82| “A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance.” – Unknown

83|  “If at some point you don’t ask yourself “What have I gotten myself into?” then you’re not doing it right. – Roland Gau

84| “I wish I was a postcard. For under a dollar, I could travel to any location in the world.” – Anonymous

85| “Friend: Let’s go to Bora Bora. Me: Man, I wanna go, but I’m pora pora.”-Unknown

86| “I need vitamin SEA.”-Unknown

WANT MORE QUOTES? CHECK OUT MY POST ON 91 FRIEND TRAVEL QUOTES & SOLO TRAVEL QUOTES TO SHARE WITH YOUR PALS.

87|  “Airplane travel is nature’s way of making you look like your passport photo.” — Al Gore

88|  “People complain there’re delays on flights. Delays, really? New York to California in five hours, that used to take 30 years”- Louis C.K.

89| “What does it mean to pre-board? Do you get on before you get on?” – George Carlin

90|  “Did you ever notice that the first piece of luggage on the carousel never belongs to anyone?” – Erma Bombeck

91| “People don’t take trips – trips take people.” – John Steinbeck

92| “You know it’s time for a vacation when you start looking like the person on your drivers license”-Unknown

93| “When in doubt, travel.”- Unknown

94| “Traveling is like flirting with life. It’s like saying, ‘I would stay and love you, but I have to go; this is my station. ” – Lisa St. Aubin de Teran

95| “I get pretty much all the exercise I need walking down airport concourses carrying bags.” – Guy Clark

96| “If you’re upset when traveling, just thing about a T-Rex trying to drink a martini…”- Unknown

97| “Traveling is like a box of chocolates. Don’t matter what you get, all is good!”-Unknown

98|  “Adventure, yeah. I guess that’s what you call it when everybody comes back alive.” – Mercedes Lackey

99| “I regret traveling said nobody ever!”- Unknown

100| “The cool thing about being famous is traveling. I have always wanted to travel across seas, like to Canada and stuff.” – Britney Spears

101|  “It’s a road trip! It’s about adventure! . . . It’s not like we have somewhere to go.” – John Green

102| “The first condition of understanding a foreign country is to smell it.” – Rudyard Kipling

103| “I feel like most of my problems could be solved with a trip to…well, anywhere.” – Anonymous

104| “Catch flights not feelings.” -Unknown

105| “If an ass goes traveling, he’ll not come home a horse.” – Thomas Fuller

106| “He who would travel happily must travel light.” – Antoine de Saint-Exupery

107| “I want someone to look at me the way I look at a travel magazine!”-Unknown

108| “Hey, people who travel with their bed pillow. You look insane.” – Jim Gaffigan

109| “Don’t worry about the world ending today, it’s already tomorrow in Australia.”-Charles M. Schulz

110| “When you hand someone a camera, why do they act like you just asked them to disassemble a bomb? They take it and they’re like, ‘What do I do … I don’t really … ha-huh …’ Yeah, it’s the button on the top right where it always is since the beginning of #*@! time!”-Dane Cook

111| ”I’ve been to almost as many places as my luggage.” –Bob Hope

112| “If traveling was free, you would never see me again.”-Unknown

113| “There should be sympathy cards for having to go back to work after vacation.” Unknown

FUNNY TRAVEL QUOTES CONCLUSION!

I hope you enjoyed this list of funny travel quotes I complied for you. Did they tickle your fancy? Which funny travel quote was your favorite? If you have a hilarious quote, leave it in the comments below. No need to let it waste. I will mix it in with the other funny travel quotes with credit!

Have a love for travel quotes? Check out my posts on 91 friend travel quotes that will be great to say to your BFF during your next adventure. If going solo I have awesome traveling alone quotes to spark your wanderlust.

TRAVEL POSTS:

Before you go on that next trip, check out a few of my other posts with some helpful travel tips. 

• 30 Carry On Essentials You Need To Survive Long Flights
• 11 Tips To Survive Long Flights In Economy
• Step-by-Step Guide To Planning The Perfect Trip Using Google Maps

Like this post on Funny Travel Quotes? Share it with others or pin it for later in your Travel Quotes board. 

HELP: I was unsuccessful finding the author of some of these funny travel quotes. Please leave me a comment or send me a message if you know who the unknown authors are. I would love to give them credit.